In Praise of Clumsiness
A self reflection
By Anne Huang
In my early youth, extended family members often not-so-subtly reminded me not to spill glasses of water. I inadvertently did anyway, although as a seasoned hard worker, I made every effort not to.
The more I was urged to be careful, the more cautiously I eyed a glass, fearful of its tipping. Alas, at an instant of inattention, a mysterious source would nudge the tablecloth. The glass, which I had labored so painstakingly to preserve, would collapse. Family members would gasp, chide, and otherwise make an exhibition of their dismay. My parents would attribute my ungainliness to their own negligence. “We should have taught you better,” they would say. “We did not teach you composure early enough.”
Early enough? Not so powerless as to rely only on my parents for such wisdom, I was appalled by their immediately taking credit for my lack of dexterity. It resulted from no negligence on their part whatsoever but from my own skill. My parents had done their job; I remember their many reminders. But hearing now that clumsiness is a learned characteristic, I concluded one explanation for mine: I taught myself to be this way.
I had always been an avid self-learner. Once, I taught myself to walk into rather than through a doorway. I also taught myself to trip and fall in the middle of a hallway with no objects obstructing my path. Such tendencies represented to me an enterprising nature to help overcome inhibitions, regardless of the scabs picked up along the way.
I am not really uncoordinated. Though I had not purposely wished clumsiness upon myself, perhaps my parents” exaggerated questioning of whether I could walk past the kitchen without dropping my spoon increased my reluctance to heed their advice. My parents” frame of reference just happened not to work for me completely (one ought not to expect a single standard to apply universally). No one else may find mine immediately intelligible, but it leads me to where I need to be.
I have embraced those seemingly problematic instances which turn out to be slightly amusing. That is not to say that I am inflexibly incapable of change. You see, I have undergone steady but continuous improvement. Rather than miscalculating the number of steps remaining until I reach the bottom of the stairwell by two, I now underestimate by only one before I accidentally attempt to support too much on one leg.
I apologize if I inadvertently knock some greeting cards off shelves at Borders.
I understand that those within my immediate vicinity might be slightly more at peace if I better master the ability to walk through a hallway without dropping notebooks. However, I appreciate the imperfections that I encounter. I just have to try harder to be careful. If I mess up the first time, I try again.
As I maneuver my slanted way here and there, I grapple with the challenges posed by prescribed, linear courses of travel. Allowing for perpetual amusement leaves room for the humility to take a spill with poise.